Likes and Dislikes?

Do likes and dislikes distinguish a person for what STEREOTYPE they fit under? (I'm starting to capitalize it.) Because if they do, I guess I'd fit under lots of different STEREOTYPES. I know, I've had STEREOTYPES on the brain for the past few days... actually, most of the summer. Because you know... high school and all. I kinda wonder if high school is REALLY like they portray in those "reality" tv shows. (you know which ones that cause me to put quotation marks around reality) Because in a town as small as mine, it's kinda hard to believe that my high school could be filled with so much drama. And if there is, I probably never got into it, because I never knew about it. Yeah, I'm pretty out of the loop.

But hey, I found this backpack online that I really want!!!



yeah, pokemon! I know, I am a dork n___0

^Maile!^

I'm Back!

Stereotypes... one of those things that you believe in, or say you don't believe in to be "one of those people that don't care about what people think about me" kinda people. Truth is, stereotypes are unavoidable. Unless you live in a cave all by yourself I guess... Cliques, too. Just feeling kinda thinky cuz I start high school next Tuesday. Well I guess in a week now, cuz it's 12:03 in the morning. I know, I've been saying I'm excited, but now that it's really right around the corner, I'm a little nervous. I didn't get to go to orientation because I was at Holt Camp (aka, best camp EVER, i miss my cabin girls! also, it's kinda weird being surrounded by white people again. idk... maybe it's just me) but I have an appointment for like 12 something today. Hopefully I'm awake -___- but most of all, I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!! one of my BESTEST guy friends, William, has been in Vietnam ALL summer! He gets back like three days before school starts!!!!! D'x I haven't seen him at ALL this summer, and I miss him so much TT_TT

And first day back at soccer today, and I got punished along with the team because they left trash. 2 minutes of team pushups. may not sound really bad, but trust me, even the seniors were hurting a little. and there was this new girl that must've just shown up for tryouts (which I missed, but they're not making cuts) and not conditioning, cuz I've never seen her before in my life.... and I don't wanna sound rude, but she's not the best. She had her toe under the ball and was flicking it up, and she asked me, "Why does it keep going up like that?" -__- well, according to physics, if you use force while moving in an upward motion, that thing's probably gonna go up too. Just sayin'. But she has the coolest glasses, and seems pretty ok.

It's been a while... I feel like I haven't awkwardly blogged in a long time... i miss you.

Oh, I started watching Shane Dawson videos on YouTube, listening to nevershoutnever, and I know the first few words to a Justin Bieber song. Yes. How one can change in a single week of being gone.

^Maile!^

If you really knew me...

I've been watching that new show called if you really knew me. It's actually a pretty good show. I've cried my eyes out both episodes. Multiple times. It's also been making me think a lot about myself and the way I treat people, and the way I judge them, and how they may look at me. Let's just say I don't like the image I've created for myself. My friends tell me that I'm "the artsy different girl that doesn't care what other people think about her." Haha. I can tell you, if you really knew me, you wouldn't trust that. I'm one of those people that can change my image every school year, and no one would question me. In elementary school, I was (in order) a girly girl, a tomboy, a goth, a skater, a loner, an outsider, and now the whole artsy-doesn't-care, blah blah blah. So if I were any of my friends, I'd be giving me a stern talking to. It's not about the cliques I fit into, it's about the cliques I don't fit into. All those stereotypes I was (beginning with tomboy) were what everyone in my classes weren't. I do strive to be different, I'll admit. Sometimes I think I try to hard. And I've kept a little of all those labels in me since then.
And if you really knew me, you'd know I don't trust anyone. Not my friends, not my family, no one. Not even me. There are some thoughts that come into my brain, and I push them out as soon as they enter because I don't want to know what will happen if I have those thoughts again, or something. I have my closest friends, even my best friend who's had the best friend title since fifth grade, fooled into believing that I trust her with my life. I suffer from abandonment issues. I was adopted, and for what reason I was given away is unknown, I don't want to be just left again. I don't want anyone to just ditch me, for someone better, or because I just wasn't good enough or something.
I don't trust my family. I am not one of those people that can tell their parents they are their best friends, There are definitely things I don't tell my parents, because 1) I am horrible with talking out my feelings, and 2) I don't want them sending me to counseling or something. I've been to counseling before, and it's not the funnest thing in the world, cuz like I said, I'm not good with words. (audibly at least. cuz as you can see, I usually have a lot to say on this blog.) Sometimes I'll admit, I have contemplated cutting, running away, and suicide. But then I figure, that's stupid. I mean, I guess in comparison, my life and struggles are a joke to people who have real problems. It's not like my parents fight, or have drug or alcohol issues, it's not like my best friend has died, or I live in a town with gangs and gang violence. It's not like I'm homeless or struggling just to get food on the table. Nope. all my issues are self-inflicted, and stuff I should handle on my own.
Gosh, I'm sorry if you actually read this far, sorry if I sound like a freak, sorry if you feel like you wasted your time.... But hey, if you did read this far, thanks.

^Maile^

something I've been wanted to get off my chest...

backstory time!:

"You see this?" he pointed to his nose and asked me.
I rolled my eyes, "yeah, what?"
"Do you know what this is?" It was his nose, duh.
"A bunch of red little dots?" I answered, annoyed. (i was referring to his multiple zits. cuz I'm mean like that.)
He rolled his eyes this time and said, "No, it's a nose." but before i could say duh, he said, "and it's shaped RIGHT."
I knew he was referring to my flat nose. I'm Asian, it's not one of those things I'd like to change about myself. But hey, he didn't need to go around saying my nose is oddly shaped.
Who is he to be insulting my race? Our noses AREN'T formed wrong, its just the way we are.
I'm sick of all the Asian stereotypes that people make up. Like, oh, you're Asian, you must be good at math and science. Oh, you're Asian, you must play piano/be really good at drawing/study too much/play tennis/ice skate. Not that those are necessarily bad things to do, but still.
And the whole squinty eyes thing. Again, it's who we are. I've had friends that do the whole pulling their eyes back to look Chinese thing. I also hate that when people just automatically think you're Chinese or Japanese if you look Asian. I am 100% Vietnamese, thank you very much. (well as far as i know. I'm adopted) And all the "Made in China" stuff. I read this quote somewhere that said, "Fake hair? Fake Tan? Fake boobs? Where's you're Made in China sticker?" I know, that a lot of products were made in China, but that doesn't mean they make fake things. I don't know, some people may see it as whatever, but i thought it was really stupid, and would not have it in any Polyvore set of mine.
And I've gotten a Vietnamese sweat shop joke once too. It hurt a little. Like gee, think about my feelings, thanks.
And i know a lot of my friends that are Asian deal with shit like this too. Some complain that people think they're goth, or need to smile more. actually, a lot complain about people telling them to smile more. I could make a list, but i don't feel like mentioning a whole bunch of names. My take on it: I'm concentrating. sorry, Mr. (English Teacher), that I don't smile when I'm listening to you read aloud or when I'm taking a Literature Test. And I'm sorry that I wore a black t-shirt that one day. My bad.
But seriously, I never really dealt with this in elementary school. I feel like it's getting worse as we're getting older. Like, as we get older we actually LOOSE that voice inside our heads that tell us right from wrong. I know, we probably get it back gradually as we become adults (and some don't) but what the fuck. (excuse my language) I'll admit to being a goth at some point in my life, but I grew up, and got over showing my depression through dark clothing persona. So back the fuck off.

I don't really know why all this is floating in my brain right now, but it's making me really frustrated. And I need to be awake in less than six hours to go to conditioning. So i thought I'd get it off my chest.

If i could cut time out, I'd skip right to August 8th (start of Asian adoptee camp. yeah. we gots our own camp.n_n) so I can go to camp for that week, then come back and have a week before school starts. The only reason i don't cut that week out, is because I want one last week to cram with laziness (oxymoron) and to go shopping with my best friend, Devany Howard. (She's going to the Asian adoptee camp with me. She was adopted from China.)

^Maile!^