I know, it's been forever

not that you really care, but yeah... haven't been posting a lot, I've been WAY to busy with the winding down of soccer season (tournament starts tomorrow) and last week was homecoming (lots of planning, I'm the freshman student council president) and in drama club (crew head) and all my stupid homework on top of all that. Just finished The Secret Life Of Bees in English and took a giant test in social studies over the Roman Empire and the Beginning of the Modern Ages. It's not that I forgot, it's just i didn't want to bore you with all the little details like I just kinda did.... well I didn't tell you everything, but there were problems within the members of the freshman student council and a particular member, yadda yadda yadda... the guy I've been crushing on got a girlfriend (story of my life), yadda yadda yadda, grades dropping.. I'm a mess...

and the results of all this stress? a fever blister. if you don't know what that is, you get them on your mouth (for many different reasons, I got mine from too much stress) and they're a form of herpes. My fever blister got swollen to the size of one of those pink block erasers and hurt like hell. the only way to get rid of it, is to put medicine on it, hope and dream, and squeeze out all the blood and (not puss, i don't think.. It looked like liquidey snot.) quite painfully. disgusting, i know.

M.

Sorry, it's been a while...

Haha sorry i haven't actually blogged in awhile (not that too many people would miss me, i only have two followers xD) I was too busy starting my freshman year of high school, sorry for any inconvenience... (that was a joke. haha.)

So anyway, i don't usually have time during the week to get on my laptop because of soccer (more latter) and homework. I was actually a wreck the first week because I was so stressed, I wasn't getting enough sleep, and I got sick, and people kinda make me nervous xP
But today I got online and saw I got an email notifying me that I got a comment on my Maximum Ride User Casting wall, from someone congratulating me on making the top five in the Nudge auditions. I only have one audition video up, so i was like whaaat?? And it wasn't even a Nudge monologue.. it was an Ella Monologue... (I mean, I have more audition videos, but I haven't put them on my computer yet.)

Also, on Wednesday, I had my first soccer game of the season. Probably the worst game I've ever attended. I can't say that I contributed to the loss, because my coach never put me in. I give away half my summer to her, and she doesn't even put me in. And it isn't because I'm a sucky player (I'm like fourth from the bottom...) it's mostly because this coach is new, so she didn't want to make cuts, but there weren't enough players for a JV and Varsity team, she just kept all the players and put em on one team. Not smart. There was like ten of us that never got to play. Including my friend, Kat, who was like a great starting midfielder last year. Still pretty pissed. But I'll get over it. If she lets me play. Eventually.

^Maile!^

Likes and Dislikes?

Do likes and dislikes distinguish a person for what STEREOTYPE they fit under? (I'm starting to capitalize it.) Because if they do, I guess I'd fit under lots of different STEREOTYPES. I know, I've had STEREOTYPES on the brain for the past few days... actually, most of the summer. Because you know... high school and all. I kinda wonder if high school is REALLY like they portray in those "reality" tv shows. (you know which ones that cause me to put quotation marks around reality) Because in a town as small as mine, it's kinda hard to believe that my high school could be filled with so much drama. And if there is, I probably never got into it, because I never knew about it. Yeah, I'm pretty out of the loop.

But hey, I found this backpack online that I really want!!!



yeah, pokemon! I know, I am a dork n___0

^Maile!^

Holt Camp

I know I just posted, but I forgot to tell you how my experience at Holt Camp was like!

First of all, if you don't know what it is, (your loss) it's a camp for kids that have been adopted from Asia. We do all the normal camp stuff, like swim, hang out, eat, do skits, stuff like that. But we also have two adoption sessions everyday for people to share their emotions and thoughts on adoption and being adoption without the fear of being judged. We also do morning rotations (hip hop dancing, Adoption, Games) and electives (I did creative media n_n).

I was in a cabin (not airconditioned xP) with eleven other girls, including the counselor. They were all really nice, except one didn't listen to Carmen (counselor) much, and one got mad at me for grabbing three hash browns (even though that was all i was eating) but I made some really good friends, and got to see some friends from last year, and I discovered I could do a really good old new jersey man accent xD

And Devany got her first dance with a guy. But he was a total player, he told her she was the fifth girl he had danced with that night but that she was special. *rolls eyes* So she ditched me to hang with him. Leaving me to dance awkwardly in a circle of quiet non-dancing people. I was pretty annoyed with her for the rest of the day. But I got over it, but then she seriously pissed me off on our trip back. I was in the shower at the hotel we were staying at (looong drive) and I got out, and was checking my facebook (after going a week without it) and she just blurts out: "I liked you better in the shower." while listening to her iPod. Yeah, my feelings were hurt, and I wished I had a witty comeback at the time. But whatever. I know that she's a Gemini, and she is probably one of the least compatible with my sign, Capricorn (yeah I know zodiac stuff.) She also got mad at me for no reason at camp, and tried apologizing (which I recognized) but she did it in a totally mean way... she said (something along the lines of)
"yeah, sorry I know I can be a bitch."
"What? I never called you a bitch?"
"But I know when I'm being a bitch... and......____________ (something I don't remember) I know when I'm being mean!"
"umm.... ok..."
" Why can't you just accept the apology?"
"well... I did?"
"no you didn't"
"well... umm.. you're kinda being mean now, apologizing..."
"whatever. forget it. I'll apologize later."

which made me mad at the time, but looking back i think it's hilarious how badly she apologizes. But it's ok, I get it. Being with a person for a week can get boring for a Gemini.... and they get bored pretty easy. Trouble is, Capricorns are sort of boring people, as the capricorn horoscope supposedly says. but whatever, she's just kinda stuck with the best friend title. if she doesn't like it, whatever.

^Maile!^

I'm Back!

Stereotypes... one of those things that you believe in, or say you don't believe in to be "one of those people that don't care about what people think about me" kinda people. Truth is, stereotypes are unavoidable. Unless you live in a cave all by yourself I guess... Cliques, too. Just feeling kinda thinky cuz I start high school next Tuesday. Well I guess in a week now, cuz it's 12:03 in the morning. I know, I've been saying I'm excited, but now that it's really right around the corner, I'm a little nervous. I didn't get to go to orientation because I was at Holt Camp (aka, best camp EVER, i miss my cabin girls! also, it's kinda weird being surrounded by white people again. idk... maybe it's just me) but I have an appointment for like 12 something today. Hopefully I'm awake -___- but most of all, I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!! one of my BESTEST guy friends, William, has been in Vietnam ALL summer! He gets back like three days before school starts!!!!! D'x I haven't seen him at ALL this summer, and I miss him so much TT_TT

And first day back at soccer today, and I got punished along with the team because they left trash. 2 minutes of team pushups. may not sound really bad, but trust me, even the seniors were hurting a little. and there was this new girl that must've just shown up for tryouts (which I missed, but they're not making cuts) and not conditioning, cuz I've never seen her before in my life.... and I don't wanna sound rude, but she's not the best. She had her toe under the ball and was flicking it up, and she asked me, "Why does it keep going up like that?" -__- well, according to physics, if you use force while moving in an upward motion, that thing's probably gonna go up too. Just sayin'. But she has the coolest glasses, and seems pretty ok.

It's been a while... I feel like I haven't awkwardly blogged in a long time... i miss you.

Oh, I started watching Shane Dawson videos on YouTube, listening to nevershoutnever, and I know the first few words to a Justin Bieber song. Yes. How one can change in a single week of being gone.

^Maile!^

Holt Camp

Today I'm leaving for Holt Camp with Devany! It's a camp for Asian Adoptees, and this may be the last year I go, cuz my dad says it's too far away. This year it's in New Jersey. Yeah, it's a trip for us, cuz we live in Ohio... but anyway, I'll be gone til next Saturday, so no posts for a week. I'll try to take pictures. Try not to miss me too much. (just kidding, haha)

^Maile!^

Shirt Shopping

one of my favorite summer pastimes is to browse shirts. I know, lame. But i think it's pretty productive. I find ideas for some of my youtube videos, cool things to say in impossible circumstances, and a good laugh.

seriously though, I love these sites. (I'm still browsing, so I've only found a few good sites.):::::

bustedtees.com

nerdyshirts.com

rumplo.com

cafepress.com

snorgtees.com

they got some cool wordplay shirts (I LOVE wordplay), vintage shirts, identity shirts, and a whole bunch of nifty nuggets.
I seriously suggest you check it out.

^Maile!^

Exciting Weekend

I've had a very eventful weekend. Probably the most social weekend I've had all summer. Friday I hung out with my friends Emma and Devany and Devany slept over. Then I went to a birthday party on Saturday, and I hung out with Emma and Devany and Peter today. We went to the pool and Taco Bell, and did henna and made smores. yumm.
But you know what annoys me? When people call you and invite you to a party or other shindig, and tell you that someone else canceled so you can go now. (true story -_-) The party I went to on Saturday. It was great, I had a fun time, but Maya (the girl who invited me) called me five hours before the party, and was like, "Oh yeah, sorry this is short notice, but Franny canceled, so I guess you can come now." Like gee. That makes me feel special. Like I'm second best, yeah. But I had a great time.
Did you know if you're with someone and they're not paying attention, you can lick their elbows and they won't even feel it. I'm serious, Maya told me that so I decided to test it, and I licked my friend, Louisa's elbow. I asked her if she felt it, and she said "felt what?" and Maya and me started cracking up. We kinda made a sport out of it for the rest of the party. I licked Lou's elbow 3 times without her noticing, Megan's once, Maya's once, and Devon's once. I only got my elbow licked once by Devon. it was so much fun. xD

^Maile^

Sorry the last post was a BUM-MER!

bummer. summer. haha.
I know I've said this a THOUSAND times, but I want to go back to school.
Since soccer started, I guess I see some of my friends more often, but while getting hot and sweaty. (but I got out of doing suicides today because I had work done on my knees today. the metal tools of DOOM... I had a bruise before I even left the hospital.) And soccer is fun and all, but I don't get to see the all the people I want to see... plus in high school the teams aren't co-ed. xD
I don't have to much to say today, I'm just doing this because I'm pretty bored and can't sleep. I just wanna apologize for being such a DOWNER yesterday.

^Maile!^

If you really knew me...

I've been watching that new show called if you really knew me. It's actually a pretty good show. I've cried my eyes out both episodes. Multiple times. It's also been making me think a lot about myself and the way I treat people, and the way I judge them, and how they may look at me. Let's just say I don't like the image I've created for myself. My friends tell me that I'm "the artsy different girl that doesn't care what other people think about her." Haha. I can tell you, if you really knew me, you wouldn't trust that. I'm one of those people that can change my image every school year, and no one would question me. In elementary school, I was (in order) a girly girl, a tomboy, a goth, a skater, a loner, an outsider, and now the whole artsy-doesn't-care, blah blah blah. So if I were any of my friends, I'd be giving me a stern talking to. It's not about the cliques I fit into, it's about the cliques I don't fit into. All those stereotypes I was (beginning with tomboy) were what everyone in my classes weren't. I do strive to be different, I'll admit. Sometimes I think I try to hard. And I've kept a little of all those labels in me since then.
And if you really knew me, you'd know I don't trust anyone. Not my friends, not my family, no one. Not even me. There are some thoughts that come into my brain, and I push them out as soon as they enter because I don't want to know what will happen if I have those thoughts again, or something. I have my closest friends, even my best friend who's had the best friend title since fifth grade, fooled into believing that I trust her with my life. I suffer from abandonment issues. I was adopted, and for what reason I was given away is unknown, I don't want to be just left again. I don't want anyone to just ditch me, for someone better, or because I just wasn't good enough or something.
I don't trust my family. I am not one of those people that can tell their parents they are their best friends, There are definitely things I don't tell my parents, because 1) I am horrible with talking out my feelings, and 2) I don't want them sending me to counseling or something. I've been to counseling before, and it's not the funnest thing in the world, cuz like I said, I'm not good with words. (audibly at least. cuz as you can see, I usually have a lot to say on this blog.) Sometimes I'll admit, I have contemplated cutting, running away, and suicide. But then I figure, that's stupid. I mean, I guess in comparison, my life and struggles are a joke to people who have real problems. It's not like my parents fight, or have drug or alcohol issues, it's not like my best friend has died, or I live in a town with gangs and gang violence. It's not like I'm homeless or struggling just to get food on the table. Nope. all my issues are self-inflicted, and stuff I should handle on my own.
Gosh, I'm sorry if you actually read this far, sorry if I sound like a freak, sorry if you feel like you wasted your time.... But hey, if you did read this far, thanks.

^Maile^

Preseason Begins...

Preseason started today. To be honest, it felt nice taking orders from someone other than Emily. And if it weren't so FRIGGIN hot outside, I probably would've enjoyed it more. n_n
I mean, the practice itself was better than running around in circles. But man, I wish there was a tree SOMEWHERE near that field for at least SOME shade.
We just started practice with dynamic stretches, then moved on to a whole bunch of passing drills and... not games, but... anyway, afterwards we started juggling (I got 4.) and by then, we were all sweating buckets. After that, though, everyone thought we were one because a lot of parents started showing up. So being as hot as we were, a lot of us drank a whole bunch of water. And then coach made us do sprints. Haha, so funny. We had to run the length of the field in 20 seconds and back in 40. It sounded really easy, but that heat started getting to all of us. we all started slowing down in the second round. But, I swear, no one in the world is slower than me. By the third round, (we were SUPPOSED to get a 10 second break, so I started tying my shoe, but the assistant coach told us to go while I was in the middle of tying the last knot. so i fell even further behind. Let's just say, I cam dead last. I was only a slight step above power walking. And just as everyone was leaving to go get more water, (I was like yes, I'd rather them not watch me come in last) the coach told them to stay and cheer for me. God, who does that? Like it was bad enough for me to come in last with all the parents onlooking from the hill, she had to make my friends (and people I haven't met yet) cheer me on, like I was some sort of pity player or something. you know, the one that never runs fast enough, juggles long enough, or contributes and put in as much effort as everyone else. I don't need any of their pity. Just because I can't run as fast as them, doesn't mean I'm not as good as them. gee.
So now i feel like shit, (because even after that, we still had to do more dynamic stretching) and I won't go list all the parts of me that hurt, but let's just say I am not looking forward to two more weeks of this.
I don't want to sound like a brat or anything, but I really wanted to go shopping today. I haven't gone shopping in the longest time, last time I actually went clothes shopping was in early June. And I haven't been to a Goodwill since March!
sigh I'm sorry this is so long.

^Maile!^

Famous Encounter

so I've decided if I ever find myself in this situation:

I meet someone famous, that I've never heard of, but I have their music on my iPod.

that if they ask me why I have their music, but don't know who they are, my answer will be:

Would you rather me know your name, or your music?

and personally, I think if they're worth knowing, their answer will be "music."


yeah I know, that was a little confusing.

^Maile!^

D'x

I did finally get Fang last week, (I might have said this, I might not have) but I finally started it today. Three hours later, I sadly finished it. (and now I have to wait til early next year to get the next book u_u) And if you know anything about the series, you probably have read online about the ending of Fang. (but I'm not going to ruin it, cuz I'm cool like that) But I will say, that Fang is a Scorpio (a very compatible sign with mine.) and the ending made me cry and sob and sniffle and all other words associated with crying. It was immensely sad and depressing :( and I'm also gonna say, if JP kills off Fang in the next book, I'm gonna go to his house and have a little chat. A friend of mine, Patrick, says that he won't, because he knows what happens (lucky kid) but I wanted to wait... you know, suspense and all, so he didn't tell me. But he says Fang... wait. Not sure if i should say if you haven't read it. How bout that Fang... redeems himself. But anyway, I hope he's right, for the sake of JP's safety and well-being. I'll also be sad if he gives Iggy a girlfriend. AND IF HE DOES ANYTHING BAD AND PERMANENT TO NUDGE, I SWEAR I WILL SUE HIS SORRY AUTHOR ASS. (again, excuse the language) Well i don't want to give much away if you were planing on reading it, so I guess I'll leave you with that.

^Maile!^

(again, you can ignore this if you wanna)

fun times with my buddy Maya!

I want to go back to school

for the record, two of my favorite days in the school year is the first day and the last day. all the other days in between are a roller coaster. but it's better than being stuck inside cleaning your room or just waiting to die. (Which, is almost a step up from what I've been doing this summer) Tomorrow my mom is going to make me spend the day cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. which is definitely not my first choice of how to spend my day after soccer conditioning. since no one ever shows up, those that come have to run. how's that fair? it's not. Emily (the senior that works us a little harder) says she doesn't give a damn about people who don't show up, as long as she's in shape. I don't know about her, but if I were the senior in this picture, I'd be nicer to all the new freshman who probably haven't been forced to run like this ever in their lives. In all my years of playing soccer, I'll admit to never having to run this much. And this isn't even official practice. It's run only by the seniors. I guess it is completely optional, but come on. the least the others can do is show up once a week.
So, so far my summer is a total waste of my time. I mean, yeah, I've gotten a lot done compared to some of my peers, like I've almost finished a complete book series, drawn and painted more in the past two months than usual, and started learning a third language, but still. I'm not... como se dice.. a social butterfly. Usually, the only social interaction I get is from the people I hang out with or talk to at school. Which, again, I'll admit is not very many. I've had friends that call me antisocial to my face. It doesn't really phase me, to be honest, but you know, it's one of those things that you just blow off until times when you actually realize it's true. I spent the entire summer after sixth grade cooped up in my closet. Yes, my closet. And it wasn't even a walk in closet. Just a closet with my clothes and stuff pushed to the side so I could sit. I usually talked to myself while doing miscellaneous stuff, like doodling or cutting paper. Well, actually I put posters of people on my wall and pretended they could hear me. So technically, I wasn't talking JUST to myself. Isn't that sad? I even read my old school notes when I get bored sometimes. I mean, I guess this blog is a step up from talking to myself, but I tend to get a little bit rant-y and completely oblivious that someone can ACTUALLY be reading this. Oh well, now that I'm aware of it, I guess I'll go rant somewhere else.

^Maile!^

Nevermind

I decided I WILL make a list of all my Asian friends (and me). And write tidbits about them. Just to recognize them.

Maile! Orr: Adopted. Vietnamese. Loves to draw and sing and soccer and write and stuff.
Devany Howard: Adopted. Chinese. Loves to draw and read and stuff.
William Vu: Vietnamese. Loves to draw and eat and sing and dance and write and stuff.
Amirah Fauzi: Indonesian. Loves to cook and eat and do photography and draw and stuff.
Kristen Masada: Half Japanese. Loves gymnastics and art and stuff. (she follows this blog n_n)
Maya Oshita: Half Japanese. Loves ice skating and weird things :)
Reiya Bhat: Indian. Loves to cook and shop and write and dance and stuff.
Holly Li: Chinese. Well i can't really tell you what she LOVES. :)
Michaela Vickers: Chinese. Loves Pandas and stuff.
Dan Kim: Korean. Again, can't tell you what he LOVES. :)
Paige Robinson: Korean. Loves music and stuff :)

I could go on, but these are probably (hopefully) a majority of my close Asian friends. n_n
I don't know why i made this list, but hey. Got a look at what my friends are a little bit like.

^Maile!^

something I've been wanted to get off my chest...

backstory time!:

"You see this?" he pointed to his nose and asked me.
I rolled my eyes, "yeah, what?"
"Do you know what this is?" It was his nose, duh.
"A bunch of red little dots?" I answered, annoyed. (i was referring to his multiple zits. cuz I'm mean like that.)
He rolled his eyes this time and said, "No, it's a nose." but before i could say duh, he said, "and it's shaped RIGHT."
I knew he was referring to my flat nose. I'm Asian, it's not one of those things I'd like to change about myself. But hey, he didn't need to go around saying my nose is oddly shaped.
Who is he to be insulting my race? Our noses AREN'T formed wrong, its just the way we are.
I'm sick of all the Asian stereotypes that people make up. Like, oh, you're Asian, you must be good at math and science. Oh, you're Asian, you must play piano/be really good at drawing/study too much/play tennis/ice skate. Not that those are necessarily bad things to do, but still.
And the whole squinty eyes thing. Again, it's who we are. I've had friends that do the whole pulling their eyes back to look Chinese thing. I also hate that when people just automatically think you're Chinese or Japanese if you look Asian. I am 100% Vietnamese, thank you very much. (well as far as i know. I'm adopted) And all the "Made in China" stuff. I read this quote somewhere that said, "Fake hair? Fake Tan? Fake boobs? Where's you're Made in China sticker?" I know, that a lot of products were made in China, but that doesn't mean they make fake things. I don't know, some people may see it as whatever, but i thought it was really stupid, and would not have it in any Polyvore set of mine.
And I've gotten a Vietnamese sweat shop joke once too. It hurt a little. Like gee, think about my feelings, thanks.
And i know a lot of my friends that are Asian deal with shit like this too. Some complain that people think they're goth, or need to smile more. actually, a lot complain about people telling them to smile more. I could make a list, but i don't feel like mentioning a whole bunch of names. My take on it: I'm concentrating. sorry, Mr. (English Teacher), that I don't smile when I'm listening to you read aloud or when I'm taking a Literature Test. And I'm sorry that I wore a black t-shirt that one day. My bad.
But seriously, I never really dealt with this in elementary school. I feel like it's getting worse as we're getting older. Like, as we get older we actually LOOSE that voice inside our heads that tell us right from wrong. I know, we probably get it back gradually as we become adults (and some don't) but what the fuck. (excuse my language) I'll admit to being a goth at some point in my life, but I grew up, and got over showing my depression through dark clothing persona. So back the fuck off.

I don't really know why all this is floating in my brain right now, but it's making me really frustrated. And I need to be awake in less than six hours to go to conditioning. So i thought I'd get it off my chest.

If i could cut time out, I'd skip right to August 8th (start of Asian adoptee camp. yeah. we gots our own camp.n_n) so I can go to camp for that week, then come back and have a week before school starts. The only reason i don't cut that week out, is because I want one last week to cram with laziness (oxymoron) and to go shopping with my best friend, Devany Howard. (She's going to the Asian adoptee camp with me. She was adopted from China.)

^Maile!^

I died laughing. i did. now i'm a zombie.

he IS very attractive. xD no, but i was laughing so hard. it was super hilarious.

To be honest...

I am so tired of summer. I want to go back to school. There! I said it! I don't like summer. I don't get a lot done, and honestly, I'm just a lazy stump all summer. I wish my school was like those schools that have school year-round, but have short breaks throughout the year. I think three months off of school is stupid!! Its like working out hard for three weeks, and doing absolutely nothing for the next week.. you think you're in shape, and you are compared to people who never work out, but after that one week of doing nothing, you are completely out of shape. I can guarantee 93% of the kids in my class won't do anything to stimulate their brains most of the summer. Me included. I haven't looked over any of my notes from the previous school year, or done any math exercises or anything like that. The only thing I've studied all summer is the zodiac, and i don't think they have any freshmen classes on astrology.
But don't get me wrong, I like breaks from school. I like not having homework, or having to think about people I don't particularly like, or studying for tests/quizzes/exams. But I just wish the breaks were more spread out. it doesn't make sense to spread nutella all over your toast except for a circle in the middle. i don't know, it may be just me and my opinion. (when you read opinion really fast, it looks like onion kinda.)

look what i made!!

Last night i made this pikachu hat!! isn't it cute?? I made it out of yellow and black t shirt scraps. I made a blanket out f old shirts the other day, so i used some scraps to make the hat!

I learned how to make one from this tutorial i found on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KozbM7ZkYm8&playnext_from=TL&videos=EQaamsVP-FQ&feature=sub
I started watching this channel last year, and i think it's truly amazing. Since then, I've been making all sorts of clothes, or altering ones i already have. i suggest you check 'em out :)